An Evening I Will Never Forget
Inaction is the simplest form of admitting defeat without speaking it aloud. With words, can you truly express the loss of yourself or the gain of a weight so heavy you cannot bear it? I have found through my self exploration that doing nothing has become destruction for the world around me. The civilization in which has been built around me is now crumbling to the ground and abandoned remnants of a lively city is all that remains. Cups and childhood toys litter the streets of this empty place, where once lived the heart of a happy family. Those days seem so long ago though we are still here. The empty streets are not empty, it is you who is the empty one. You are the empty shell of where you used to live. You have seen yourself die in your arms and trying to hold on to that for one last goodbye, it disintegrates into nothing. We live our lives as though we are bound to something, beholden to something, only to find that you create the world as you need and as it should be.
Pain is not a feeling, it is a being. A living breathing inhabitant of yours and my life. It shows up unannounced and invites itself in your home, your safe space. Once it arrives, you must embrace it and nurture it, as though you had any choice to begin with.
You pass a stranger on the street, is that who pain is? Is that me? Am I the one created all of this? Am I the one who stumbled into this society and reeked this havoc? Am I the one who sought the destruction of the once pristine world? Am I the creator of this ugly that I have come to know all too well? Am I destined to be an accomplice to my own ending?
Light finds its way into your life, only through the cracks you have made. So be broken, it is okay; difficult, but okay. Sometimes the only way to find a solution is to break yourself down to the rawest materials you have. Deconstruction is often a deterrent of destruction. But how do you find a way to compile all those parts into something that isn’t ending? How do we get to that place? How can we come back from what has hurt us the most when that is us?
Life isn’t easy, it never will be. That is the point. Things that are hard are what makes this all worthwhile; but when the hard seems too much, what can be done? Where do you go? How do you react?
I guess that answer can be found in art; in creating, in excising your shit in a profoundly abstracted way yet say everything you don’t know how to. I am speaking today in a way that will never hit close to what I mean. For that, I apologize for being in coherent, but art is complicated.
Until next time my friends, create something for yourself and shine some light in the meantime.